Bazooka Joe: The Movie? (Plus audio rant)

BazookaListen, the problem isn’t that Hollywood has run out of ideas. It ran out of ideas a long time ago. The problem is Hollywood doesn’t even know what an idea is anymore.

Michael Eisner’s office. He is speaking to his personal assistant.

Eisner: Last night. I was taking off my shirt — and I noticed in my belly button — this fuzzy stuff.

Assistant: Really?

Eisner: Yeah. Spontaneous fuzz. I think there might be a story in it.

Assistant: What direction were you thinking of going in with the… fuzz. Horror? Sci-fi?

Eisner: More along the lines of an environmental cautionary tale. Every man, woman, and child in America wakes up one morning to discover that their belly button has become a toxic dump site for…

Assistant: Lint?

Eisner: Sends a shudder down your spine, doesn’t it.

The assistant looks confused.

Eisner: Maybe Julia Roberts could star in it.

Assistant: Erin Brockovich 2?

Eisner: Why not?

Long silence from Eisner.

Eisner: Christ. I hope she doesn’t have an outtie.

Another morning.

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